


Unsteady

by TokkaiSwon



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Insecure Jihoon, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, determined Daniel, there is fluff trust me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-01-09 08:14:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12272433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TokkaiSwon/pseuds/TokkaiSwon
Summary: Jihoon doesn’t believe in soulmates.Or you will meet your soulmate when the said person talks to you. The first words ever spoken to you will appear on your left wrist, which causes a slight sting.





	1. First step

**Author's Note:**

> Here i go with a new idea and a story.  
> Sorry for any mistakes, please correct me if you see something.

 

Park Jihoon your most ordinary college kid you can find. mediocre scores on biology, history and English, an average boy nothing special but it makes his parents happy and opportunity to find a decent job.

He carries the basic Korean look of dark brown hair and eyes plus his thick glasses, his youthful spirit and a shy smile. Even though he might seem harmless to approach for a friendly conversation or a quick question, deep down Jihoon is scared of human interactions.

He doesn’t know the origin of his fear, why is he like this, how did this happen. He was normal in high school and everything was great, he was smiling, he had friends. After he graduated though, his friends moved to other cities or even countries to study.

Promising to keep in contact, to someday meet when they are back in Seoul. It never happened. Maybe it was just part of life, some stay some not. It doesn’t stop you from living.

Maybe Jihoon wasn’t a good friend, maybe they didn’t like his dry humor or that he’s a huge anime fan.

Maybe Jihoon was too embarrassing to hang out with, he did have a loud obnoxious laugh and he did talk too much about K-pop.

He ate a lot and was a little chubby back then, remembering how his friends tried to help him hide his stomach which was sticking out. To ’hold it in’ as they said.

_Your soulmate wound’t like you all jiggly._

They were only looking out for him. Helping him to be a better person, how to act like them. Really they were right the whole time, nobody would’t like Jihoon the way he is now.

How he wished to have listened them better and he wouldn’t be like this, this mess of a person.

 

Right now Jihoon is panicking as he sees a fellow classmate walking towards him looking ready for a small talk and all the possibilities of how the the conversation is going to end horribly are spinning on his mind.

_What does he want? Did i do something? Is he even going to talk to me? Shit do i have to talk? Smiling is friendly, remember to smile! Don't stutter! I am so going to fail._

The atmosphere changes almost immediately around Jihoon. The breathing gets heavier, his posture gets smaller, his hands starts to shake and the fear of saying something incoherent, getting judged by or even laughed at. Like that would be something new, he sounds stupid when he talks.

Just be ready for him and everything is going to be alright. Act like you’re supposed to act.

Jihoon quickly glances at his gray school uniform jacket, dark blue pants and baby blue tie if they had any stains or wrinkles, nothing luckily.

He hugs his book tightly in his embrace to stop the shaking and waits for the devil himself, Donghan was his name, yelled Jihoon’s name loudly and sprinted towards him with a goal on his mind.

Don’t get Jihoon wrong he likes Donghan, he’s funny, outgoing and positive, all what the smaller male isn’t plus he doesn’t seem to mind the stuttering or the long pauses with Jihoon which he’s glad.

Facts aside, Jihoon still thinks that the taller one is just talking to him out of pity or when the older one is bored and nothing else better to do. Thanks to the little voice that keeps whispering and reminding him, that in time Donghan will think of him as a freak. _They all do._

He already made a fool of himself when he first met Donghan, it was two years ago and it still haunts Jihoon at night. Even though the older male said it was okay and he understands. Of course he would said that, every human being with emotions would say that. It’s natural.

The taller male must make fun of Jihoon behind his back, gossiping the latest fail what had happened around him. How he forgot for a moment what a bookshelf was, his bad music taste or getting scared of a school bell.

 _Fuck_ , Jihoon was getting too deep again. He shakes his head out of those bad thoughts and prepared himself to talk, he already practiced his respond twenty times, reminding himself to look in the eyes because it’s polite and it means that you’re listening but it was still challenging to just almost stare at a other human being.

God knows what they were thinking when looking back. Maybe he could see how unattractive Jihoon really is up close or how his lips tremble when he tries to think of a clever answer so he doesn't seem boring. Usually sarcasm helps a lot and acting like a clown.

For this one he chooses sarcasm.

As soon as Donghan was close to a speaking distance Jihoon spoke up, changing to his persona immediately. ”Your majesty how may i help you?” and bowed down to greet. The act that has devolved trough out the years has become part of him.

How to pretend to be happy when you aren’t, smiling is the hard part, Jihoon never shows his teeth when he’s smiling. Keep your mouth shut they say. Don’t show your real smile it’s ugly, your laugh is too loud, please stop you’re embarrassing.

Or how to act like there is no care in the world. Be the guy who makes fun of himself, they wont laugh at you, they laugh with you. All of his reactions are for others, Jihoon will try his best to please anyone, even if it means not to be able to be himself.

He’s okay with it, as long as people won't hate him he’s alright. As long as he stays like this, he’s alright.

_Practice makes perfect._

From Jihoon’s remark Donghan chuckled and bowed back. ”Young servant i the great king order you to come with me after school.” Jihoon head rose up to look at the older male with a face of pure confusion.

He and Donghan didn’t usually hang out outside of school, they were like school and text buddies. A simple ’why’ question was hanging in the air and Donghan didn’t need to think about it twice to answer.

”Well you know that this is our last year in this school?” Jihoon nods waiting for the taller one to continue.

”And i’m part of the yearbook committee, so my soccer team has a practice today and i need a photographer to take pictures when we play.”

Now it made more sense, taking pictures how hard can it be, just simply aim and click. But was if there is too many blurry pics? What if Jihoon breaks the camera? He might anger people by taking a photo from the wrong angle. There might be a time when someone wants the picture taken on a perfect moment and Jihoon might miss it. Taking pictures doesn't seem so simple after all.

While Jihoon was thinking deeply, Donghan was waiting patiently, he knows how the younger one takes his time to answer and it was cute to see a frown forming on his face. Maybe if he adds a price for a hard work, Jihoon might even say yes.

”I will treat you some pizza after it.” Donghan added cheerfully still waiting for the answer.

Jihoon’s face lit up as the very mention of food made him forget all the worries for a single moment. He moved his glasses back to it’s original place as they moved slightly out of his frame and for the first time in front of his classmate Jihoon showed excitement, looking at Donghan like a kid meeting his favorite superhero, with big round eyes staring straight through the glasses in the eyes of the taller one.

Hopeful yet curious.

This made the older one blush furiously as he hasn’t ever seen this kind of face on Jihoon. Damn, if he knew that the younger one can pull up that kind of emotion for food, he would have brought snacks to Jihoon everyday just to see more.

”Really? You’re not pulling my leg or something?” Jihoon asked as if he couldn’t comprehend this positive outcome of this day.

”Yeah, of course! The great king Donghan will pay it!” The taller one announced proudly, with a smug grin on his face. Jihoon just stood there in awe as if Donghan had offered him a million won out of nowhere.

It’s been so long when the younger one had any greasy food. It was mostly because he didn’t have any money to spend on extra stuff. _He didn’t deserve it anyway._

His diet generally included rice, eggs, tofu and ramen. Not very healthy but it keeps him living. While the rest of the money went on rent and other bills.

His best friend would totally kill him if he ever finds out. And thanks to his great saving skills, he only eats twice a day.

Rice with scrambled eggs in the morning so he can survive the classes without feeling dizzy and a cup of ramen in the evening. It gets bland and hard to eat something same every single day. Luckily there is many variations of cup ramen and you can add seasoning, there are alternative ways to make them taste different.

So maybe a one slice of pizza wouldn’t hurt him.

”Then i will gladly take the offer. Your majesty.”


	2. Second step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyy look at me updating

 

Jihoon is regretting his decision as usual. He questions his life choices and wishes to be born as a rock. Kick him, drag him, spit on him anything but not this.

 

He holds the very expensive canon camera which Donghan gave in his hands, luckily there is a strap on it which is around his neck, to prevent it from falling. But let’s be honest, that’s not gonna help.

 

In some magical way a fucking raccoon will steal it or a spring breeze will break the lens and nobody is there to witness it. Judge Judy has made her mind, in to the prison he goes.

 

_Why does life have to be so difficult?_

 

Closing his eyes and shaking his head to clear his mind, Jihoon cracks his fingers one by one and bites his lower lips hard, almost to the point of drawing blood, it’s a bad habit but he never finds a way to stop it.

 

A long deep sigh comes out of Jihoon as he’s preparing himself, shaking the fear off for a moment. This will be over quickly and smoothly. He gets the job done and food will be waiting for him.

 

Now that Jihoon is thinking about food- his stomach grumbles just enough only him to hear luckily. Fuck the breakfast he ate as it seems wasn't enough.  

 

With a one last deep breath, Jihoon opens his eyes and tries to adjust to the brightness of the spring, to see the soccer field with it’s bright plastic green grass, white stripes and soccer nets.

 

Two different teams, Donghan’s team is wearing blue shirts while other team is wearing red. All the boys were stretching for the upcoming practice match, eyeing one another, ready to beat the other team.

 

As Jihoon was walking slightly closer to the field, on mark Donghan starts to jog towards him with a big smile on his face.

 

”Okay i told team red what’s up and they are fine if they happen to be in a photo.” Jihoon twitches at the non reference intended about Pokemon, the old Jihoon would normally make a comment about it.

 

But he just laughs about it alone. Wouldn’t want Donghan to think that soon to be twenty is still playing Pokemon. No, not the Pokemon GO app thing.

 

Jihoon is losing focus again.

 

Coming back from his quick yet slow thinking, Jihoon finally proceeded what the taller one said to him. ”What do you mean?”

 

Donghan who was watching what was happening in the field turned his head around when he heard that Jihoon had said something to him.

 

”Hm? Ah yeah, the guys are from another collage close to us, our Hyungs so to say.” Jihoon nods for understanding the explanation.

 

Studying was really hard for Jihoon especially math, yes the most cliche class of all time. So he wanted to get over school as soon as possible and find a place to work at. Money is definitely needed.

 

But when Jihoon thought about going to work, his chest always would feel heavy all of a sudden and he could feel his headache starting up.

 

_It's like his body and mind weren't ready for the future._

 

”Ya Donghan! We’re about to start!” A deep booming voice yelled towards the two, with a hint of dialect in his sentence cut Jihoon’s train of thought.

 

”Sorry Hyung!” Donghan yelled back towards the field.

 

Jihoon glanced behind the taller one, to see the owner of the soothing voice. What he saw was a attractive guy who had a light brown hair with board shoulders, sharp eyes and a red t-shirt.

 

He also looked very intimidating, his whole presence screamed confidence just by standing there on the field. Compering to others he would definitely stand out the most, if you don’t count Donghan’s blonde hair.

 

But that was not the point, the point was when Jihoon was staring at this guy who didn’t seem to notice at first, moved slightly to the left to see who was peeking behind Donghan.

 

Jihoon almost has a heart attack when he saw that this guy was also looking at him. He luckily knows how to keep his face on neutral in times like this, not showing any sign of breaking apart.

 

They looked at each other for a while until Jihoon whispered, afraid that the stranger might hear him. ”Go before it’s too late. He looks ready to kick your butt.” breaking the eye contact with the stranger to look at Donghan.

 

The blonde nodded and winked before jogging towards the field where the rest of the boys were waiting but before the game was about to start Donghan turns around puts his hands at the corner of his mouth to form megaphone and yelled. ”When i look cool, be ready!”

 

”So never.” Jihoon sarcastically answered back with his normal speaking voice. Be funny and not boring, he reminded himself.

 

It was loud enough to Donghan and couple of more students to hear and the blonde pretended to be shot right trough his heart holding his chest dramatically and gasping for air.

 

”I trusted you! Oh the pain!” The wailing continued a while until the mister serious guy pulled Donghan up from the ground by grabbing him by the shirt. Making it clear to stop playing around.

 

The laughter went down and the guys went back to their places. Donghan pouted not worrying about the atmosphere around the field.

 

 _Oookay don’t piss off that guy._ Jihoon mentally noted.

 

”Let’s get started with the game.” The guy said before giving a one last glance at Jihoon and then going to his place on the field.

 

That was the mark to get ready, Jihoon checked the camera before starting to capture the moment of the game. The whistle was blown and the game started.

 

 

The red team was winning 4 to 3. The game was fierce, everyone was sweating and exhausted but determined to win- not giving up.

 

Jihoon got plenty of good pictures, hopefully they were good enough for the yearbook committee. 

 

If they were going to yell to him for taking bad pictures, Jihoon was ready for it. He was ready for the negative comments on his job.

 

"Goal!" Jihoon snapped out of his trance- Donghan was cheering loudly while jumping onto his teammates. 

 

The teams were drawn and with the time almost ending-this was going to be the last match. Who was gonna win?

 

It's almost over, Jihoon's job was almost over.

 

Donghan got the ball and he was running for his dear life to the other side of the field with a big smile on his face.

 

Jihoon thought that this was going to be a great picture of Donghan. He looked cool like the older one predicted. 

 

So he followed Donghan's movements while trying to find a good spot, he squatted down and quickly took the photo when the blonde male kicked the ball towards the goal. 

 

When Jihoon was sure that the game was going to end he looked the photos he had taken, not minding the surrounding.

 

While deleting some of the blurry ones Jihoon didn't noticed, that the serious guy prevented the ball going to the goal by kicking it away but the kick was too strong for Donghan to stop- so the blonde kicked the ball to the side.

 

Like a wind the memory of the younger boy pierced through Donghan and he quickly yelled. 

 

"Jihoon watch out!" 

 

Jihoon who was minding his own business heard his name but before he could lift his head to look up, he felt something hard connecting the side of his face.

 

He could feel his glasses fall out of his face when his back crashed with the trash can behind him.

 

Jihoon was holding the camera tightly in his hand, afraid that it will get broken. He only cared about this item more than his own well being.

 

The ringing got louder when Jihoon tried to open his eyes, his head hurts like hell and something wet was dripping from his nose. 

 

 _Blood?_  

 

"Jihoon oh god! I'm so sorry!" Was that Donghan's voice? Jihoon couldn't think straight at all.

 

He felt a warm hand touching his face, gently turning it side to side- checking if there was any damage on him.

 

Somehow Jihoon leaned more to get the warmth of someone touching his face. It made him a little calmer.

 

His eyes were shut tight due to the bright light that made his headache stronger if he tried to open them. He then heard another familiar voice that didn't belong to Donghan. 

 

"Are you alright?" The voice asked.

 

_Am i alright?  More importantly is the camera okay? I hope it's not broken._

 

Jihoon tried to answer but the only thing that came out of his mouth was a whimper. There was something wrong with him. He felt something on his wrist- a burn.

 

_Shit, did his arm got hurt too?_

 

"Donghan is your school nurse here?" The soothing voice with so much care was speaking again but before Jihoon could hear anything more of him, he went in to slumber. 

 

 

When the boy didn't seem to response any longer to the touches, Donghan was panicking. "Fuck Jihoon stay awake!" He yelled gently shaking his classmate. 

 

"Donghan is the nurse here?" The blonde male turned to his hyung, nodding his head weakly. Afraid that his friend was going to hate him.

 

"Okay, guide me there and i will carry... Jihoon was his name right?" 

 

"Yeah... but Daniel-Hyung you don't have to i can carry him." Donghan offered, he had to do something in order to help.

 

Daniel pretend not to hear the blonde male and was already piggybacking Jihoon. The boy was light as a feather which concerned him a bit. 

 

"Let's go." Daniel said and started to head towards the school. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Three steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this mess.

 

Daniel tried his best to go to the nurse as fast as possible with his strong steady legs, while gently trying to carry Jihoon on his back. The boy hasn’t made any movement when he passed out on the field.

Only his soft, warm breathing could be felt.

Daniel hopes it’s nothing serious.

The unfamiliar face that Donghan was talking to before the game, didn’t strike anything weird to Daniel at first. But when they made a swift eye contact, let’s just say the Busan boy was intrigued by him.

Daniel wondered if he was a fun guy to hang out with, he seemed funny enough to make a snarky comeback to Donghan, even though Daniel didn’t heard it clearly the Blondie deserved it anyway.

Whenever Daniel had the change, he would try to look to his side, just to get a glimpse of the eyeglasses wearing boy. To check if anything new has happened.

The photographer had this blank face on him the whole time the game was on. Never breaking his mask. He seemed focused on the task he was given.

But the one time he broke out of his character, was when he watched the photos while pouting, maybe they weren’t to his liking.

_He looked adorable._

Not minding about Jihoon anymore, he continued with the match.

When Daniel realized that the ball was going to hit someone, it was already too late to stop it from happening.

 

”Oh fuck oh fuck.” Daniel overheard some mumbling from the boy in front of him.

He wondered what’s wrong. He has never seen the younger one act like this, so distressed. Donghan was running ahead of Daniel, holding the camera close to him. The blonde male looked ready to collapse at any second- he even stumbled couple of times before getting his balance back.

”He’s so going to kill me.” The younger one’s face paled at the comment he made to himself.

”Who’s going to kill you?” Daniel asked, a little concerned about his friend.

When Donghan was going to answer, the door of the nurse’s office opened. They have arrived without even realizing it.

Behind the door was a lady with her black hair on ponytail and round glasses, holding what seems to be some paperwork.

”I heard footsteps and talking, is something wrong?” She asked looking at both of the boys, when her eyes landed on Jihoon, her posture changed quickly. ”Bring him inside.” She said pointing at Daniel.

When Jihoon was gently laid down on the bed, the nurse started to do her job. Meanwhile the boys were standing there awkwardly, not knowing what do to or where to stand. They both just stared at Jihoon, hoping that the boy had nothing life threatening injuries.

”Did you call a family member of Mr.Park?” The nurse asked while writing down something.

Donghan who seemed to wake up from his trance and quickly answered that he will call someone else, since Jihoon’s parents live in Masan. The blonde boy excused himself and walked outside of the room, leaving Daniel alone with the nurse and the sleeping boy.

”Is-is he alright?” Daniel asked little unsure if it was the right time to ask.

”Mr.Park has a slight concussion and a bruise will form on his cheek. His nose is bleeding too but luckily it has stopped. Nothing is broken, a good rest and painkillers will do the job.”

Daniel was finally able to breathe properly, thanks to the good news.

Just in time Donghan came back after the phone call. He looked at Jihoon and back to Daniel, waiting for some kind of confirmation about his classmate.

”He’s okay, nothing serious.”

Donghan felt a wave of relief wash over him, the heavy feeling went away but was back almost immediately, when he remembered the phone call earlier.

”The painkillers are here, let Mr.Park lay here as long as he can, if he’s not ready to move, it’s okay to rest here for the night with someone else too if possible. I’m sorry that i have to go so soon but i assure you he’s going to be alright.” Both of the boys nodded when the nurse excused herself, leaving the students all alone.

”Oh thank god.” Donghan sighed loudly and walked with his jelly like legs to the closest chair he could find, which was next to Jihoon’s bed. The blonde boy looked over at his friend, who was sleeping peacefully.

His broken eyeglasses were taken off and you could see his face clearly, he had such a smooth and soft looking skin.

Donghan promises to buy all the food for a whole year just to get Jihoon to forgive him. He must be pisssed at Donghan for letting this happen.

Daniel who was watching all the time, didn’t move from his spot let alone made a sound. He just waited for the person Donghan had called, so he can apologize for getting Jihoon hurt.

He never wanted this to happen for someone so fragile looking. The kiddo looked so small up close, like a single wind blow could trip him.

Then someone knocked.

Since Daniel was the closest, he opened the door and was welcomed by a boy who was taller than him, with jet black hair which was pushed back so you could see his forehead. The eyeglasses he was wearing made him look mature.

He was wearing the same school uniform like Donghan and Jihoon, so he must be younger than Daniel.

The boy looked down on the person who opened the door, he lazily blinked once then twice and when his gaze moved behind Daniel, his eyes suddenly turned much more sinister.

”G-guanlin...” Donghan stuttered out, he stood up and tried to look as small as possible. Putting his hands in front of him, ready to defend himself. Guanlin who didn’t say anything as he walked past Daniel and towards the blonde guy.

”H-hey buddy remember that i’m your Hyung.” This comment didn’t seem to matter as Guanlin was now face to face with Donghan.

”I don’t care if you’re the fucking Queen Elizabeth, if i found out that Jihoon is hurt and the reason is another person and not his clumsy ass. You better be prepared Hyung.”

Daniel was flabbergasted as how this kid walk talking to someone older than him, was he going to get violent on Donghan.

He had to prevent it from happening.

Before Daniel had the change to stop Guanlin, he was already attacking Donghan. ”Ow! Ow! Stop it! It hurts!” Guanlin was pulling Donghan’s ear with one hand while the other was pinching his cheek.

With a big smile Guanlin pulled harder ”This is what you get!” He continued while laughing loudly.

Daniel stopped his tracks and just stared the scene that was happening in front of him. He felt sorry for Donghan but it was also terribly hilarious. A light chuckle escaped from Daniel and it was one of those moments he wished to had stayed quiet.

Guanlin ended torturing Donghan and turned around to look at the older boy straight into his eyes. ”Ah you must the Daniel-Hyung the other accomplish.”

”Donghan you traitor!” Daniel yelled while Guanlin was cracking his knuckles, steadily walking towards his another victim.

”All i did was telling the truth!” Guanlin grabbed Daniel’s shirt collar and started to pinch his cheeks. ”Ow!”

”Don’t think i’m done with you Donghan! You’re next in five minutes!”

”Five?!” Daniel yelled again, he couldn't handle this pain more than ten seconds.

”Not gonna happen!” Donghan started to run as fast as he can to the door, the smell of freedom was so close but his escape was quickly interrupted by Guanlin grabbing him from behind, he was still holding onto Daniel too.

”Both of you should just stay still and let it happen.” The youngest ranted. Both of the boys started to yell at each others while trying to get out of Guanlin’s tight grip.

 

Meanwhile the sleeping boy begin to wake up from his slumber as he heard loud yelling, his head was killing him and his whole body felt sore.

_What in gods name was going on?_

Jihoon tried to open his eyes but the bright lights were hurting him and giving him a massive headache. He whimpered and tried again.

The yelling got quieter as Jihoon finally was able to open his eyes.

The first thing that welcomed him was a white ceiling. Was he in a hospital? Was he that seriously hurt?

”Hyung!” Next thing he knew, Jihoon felt a huge firm body embracing him. The hug felt so nice and warm with full of love. Only one person could make Jihoon feel like this.

”Hm Guan-” Before Jihoon could say anything he began to cough and it hurt like a bitch.

”Oh fuck here drink this Hyung.” A cold glass of water was handed to Jihoon and he gladly took it, drinking like his life was depending on it.

”You need to take these painkillers too.” With a nod Jihoon gulped down the pill. When he was done Jihoon’s looked around to see his best friend looking at him, worry written all around his face.

And two others, Donghan and- was that the mister serious guy?

Donghan started to apologize like it was his motto, explaining how it was a pure accident and could never really hurt him. Jihoon already knew it was an accident. There is no need to be sorry for him.

On the other hand he should have been more careful, if Jihoon would have kept his eyes out for the ball. Donghan and this other guy wouldn’t be here missing their soccer practice.

They must be pissed and poor Guanlin he had to come all the way from his apartment with his bicycle.

And the staring from serious guy didn’t help at all, why was he looking Jihoon like that? Or was he staring at Guanlin? He couldn’t tell.

No, it must be his unattractive face since his glasses were taken off, now you could see his chubby cheeks and bags under his eyes plus the dark circles. Oh god he must look _horrible._

Guanlin who was holding onto one of Jihoon’s hands, felt how it started to slightly tremble. A sign that was too familiar to Guanlin. He had known Jihoon since elementary school and knew how uncomfortable his Hyung must be feeling, so he decided to speak up.

”Guys i think you should leave.”

Donghan who was in the middle of his speech about friendship stopped immediately. ”What, why?” The blonde asked, not understanding where this was coming from.

”It would be the best if Jihoon-Hyung would get some rest, since he must be tired. You can talk to him tomorrow.”

”Oh, okay- right.” The blonde male stood up from the ground as he was kneeling the whole time ”Sorry Jihoon, see ya tomorrow?”

Jihoon could only muster a tight nod, hoping that it wasn’t too rude.

With that Donghan excused himself but before he was out, he turned to look at Daniel, watching if the older male was following him. ”Hyung you coming?” He asked confused as to why he was still standing there.

”Hm?” Daniel blinked like he was woken up from a trance and within a second his whole face was red. ”Ah, s-sorry!” He bowed quickly and practically leaped out of the room with Donghan.

The room fell silent after that. ”What a weird Hyung.” Guanlin muttered under his breath.

Finally when Jihoon was ready to apologize to his friend, a sudden pain came over his body, making him curl down to a fetal position. He held down his left arm and pressed hard with hid other hand as the pain was coming from there.

It was the same feeling in the soccer field after the ball had hit him but much more painful.

”Hyung! What’s wrong?” Guanlin asked voice full of distress.

Jihoon shook his head as no words were able to come out of him. His wrist was hurting so bad, like someone was pinning his hand onto a stove.

_It burned._

”Is it your hand? Let me see.”

Jihoon nodded and slowly revealed his left hand which was trembling. He could feel Guanlin lowering his sleeves to take a better look at what’s wrong with him. The movement of his friend stopped completely, leaving Jihoon to wonder if his hand was fucked up.

But the nurse must have seen it while examining him.

"Hyung your wrist." Guanlin started "There is something written in there."

_What?_

"W-what?" Jihoon yanked his arm back from Guanlin's grip.

That can't be true, there is no way- Jihoon almost stopped breathing altogether. Right in front of his eyes as real as it can be, was black letters forming a sentence so ironic, that it almost made him laugh. 

 

_Are you alright?_

 

 

After Daniel had ran from the nurse's office, what must have been his most embarrassing moments of his life. Followed wherever Donghan was going.

God they must think that Daniel is some kind of creep for just staring at the couple like that. He was just dumbfounded when the two of them held hands, it's no wonder Jihoon was already taken, with a pretty face like that, Daniel would be surprised if he didn't have anyone. 

Maybe they are soulmates? It would seem like they are.

"Hey Donghan." A little question wouldn't hurt, right? 

"Yeah?"

"How long have those two known each other?"

"I think they met when they were just kids." 

Wow, finding a soulmate at a young age must have been nice. Daniel wonders if his soulmate is waiting for him too. 

"Why?" 

"No reason, that Guanlin kid seemed to really care about Jihoon that's all." And someday Daniel will share the same feeling with his true love. Let's hope Jihoon feels better tomorrow, so Daniel can apologize to him and maybe treat him some pizza after school, like Donghan had promised too.

 


	4. Fourth step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !WARNING! Slight self-harming and blood (Not in explicit detail)
> 
> I apologize for making all of you wait for this. Enjoy and remember to drink water.

 

"What the fuck, what the actual fuck?!” Jihoon was already out of the bed, walking in circles, he couldn't fantom the idea of having a soulmate, someone like him didn’t deserve this. There had to be a mistake.

 

And out of all the humans in this cruel world, it had to be the popular, handsome perfect guy.

 

_A pure white canvas that Jihoon was going to taint._

 

Jihoon desperately tried to remove the text on his wrist by scratching it, almost to the point of bleeding. He didn’t care if it hurt him, he wanted it to _go away._

 

The moment he felt his skin rip open from his wrist where the text was resting on, with a little bit of blood oozed out of it. Jihoon still continued, stopping was never an option.

 

Immediately when Guanlin saw what was happening before his eyes, he acted out quickly.

 

”Hyung stop it!” Guanlin grabbed the smaller one's wrists, tightly gripping them. To stop his best friend from hurting himself. Jihoon tried to break free but the taller one was stronger.

 

”B-but Guanlin, this can’t be true.” Tears were starting to form on Jihoon’s eyes, everything was getting blurry, it was starting to get harder to speak and breath. Like a rope around his neck that was getting tighter and tighter each time he tried to get the air into his lungs.

 

He always thought he would live his life without a soulmate. He was prepared for the moment he knew what a soulmate was.

 

An ugly person like Jihoon didn’t deserve- didn’t need a soulmate.

 

His mind was going to the dark place, where all his destructive thoughts lived.

 

As Guanlin was looking at his best friend, he felt powerless. All he can do is comfort Jihoon like he always did.

 

”Is it okay to hug you?”

 

Jihoon nodded making Guanlin drop the older one's wrists and embracing him with full of warmth and love.

 

”I’m here Hyung, let it all out.” With that said Jihoon broke down into more tears. He trusted Guanlin, he knew that the younger boy wouldn’t make fun of him, wouldn’t laugh at his face or leave him alone.

 

He was here and it was enough.

 

Jihoon would drop his mask for Guanlin.

 

 

 

The next day as Daniel was walking towards Jihoon’s school, he felt agitated and a little scared. What if Jihoon would never forgive him or maybe worst hate him.

 

Daniel shouldn't be thinking something like that, why was he so worried about getting on the younger one’s bad side.

 

But just the thought of it made Daniel sick to the stomach.

 

Why were his feelings so strong towards Jihoon?

 

Before Daniel could wake up from his own thoughts, the school bell rang loudly, making Daniel flinch.

 

Okay if he remembers correctly Jihoon’s classroom was on the third floor. But before Daniel could make his way inside the school, he heard his name yelled out very, very loudly.

 

”Daniel-Hyung!!”

 

There is no mistaking it, it was Donghan.

 

Daniel half-heartedly waved back to the tall blonde guy, he liked the kid he really did but Donghan’s energy is beyond the normal and it was hard to keep up with him.

 

”Hyung! Thank god I found you,” Donghan collected his breath. ”I tried to call you!” He pants as he had run the marathon. ”Why didn’t you answer?”

 

Confused as to why Donghan tried to contact him, Daniel shrugged. ”My phone is on a silent, sorry.”

 

As the tall blonde tried to even his breath out- mind you, he didn’t even run that fast, overdramatic kid he is. Daniel checked his phone for confirmation and it was true, seventeen missed calls and over one hundred text- Jesus what did the kid even texted about?

 

”Do you need something?” Daniel asked.

 

”No- I mean yes, no actually not me but somebody else,” Donghan explained, at least he tried. ”Jihoon didn’t come to school today and wanted me to pass a message to you.”

 

”O-oh, is he fine?” Daniel tried not to sound so disappointed about missing out on the possibility to hang with Jihoon.

 

It would have been a great chance to get to know him, maybe even start a new blossoming friendship.

 

His mind is filled with the ways he could have spent the time with Jihoon. A cat cafe sounds like a great place to start with, wait... what if he's allergic? Then maybe a dog cafe? Or the aquarium, yeah it sounds like a better idea, he could take him there.   

 

”He has a slight headache but otherwise just fine,” Daniel breathed out in relief, he was glad the younger boy wasn’t in massive pain. ”Guanlin is taking care of him.” As soon as the name came out, Daniel went pale.

 

For a brief moment he forgot Guanlin, he actually forgot somebody else's soulmate. All he was thinking about was Jihoon and how to make him happy, how he would look like with a smile plastered on his face under the aquariums blue light. His eyes filled with wonder. 

 

Adorable most definitely. 

 

When Daniel didn’t answer Donghan continued his sentence, ”He says that we are forgiven and it was an accident anyway, so there is no need to repay him.”

 

”What? There is no way, I didn’t even have properly apologize to him, accident or not.” Just remembering the scene in the nurse’s office made Daniel shiver.

 

”I know! But Jihoon is so stubborn.” Donghan pouted and crossed his arms. ”What should we do?”

 

”We then see if he comes back tomorrow,” Daniel suggested. ”Also I need to buy something, wanna come with me?”

 

”Sure,” Confused with the invitation and the purpose of it, Donghan asked. ”What are you gonna buy?”

 

Filled with determination, Daniel began to walk towards his destination. ”Something that Jihoon needs.”

 

 

 

Has the air always felt this suffocating? Was his room getting smaller and smaller each time Jihoon opened his eyes to check his surroundings? He couldn't tell anymore.

 

It was dark and quiet, well expect the huge time bomb that was ticking so fucking loudly. It made Jihoon remind that everything else is moving, while he wanted to stay put.

 

He just wanted to live a normal life without any distractions. He planned out everything that he needed to do. Graduate, find a new place to live in, get a job and maybe get a pet. Nothing big but nothing small.

 

Then this shit happened.

 

Kang Daniel, as Guanlin had told him was his soulmate. That perfect sculptured guy with the most piercing eyes that Jihoon has ever laid on.

 

Why, why did it had to be him?

 

But the good thing is, Daniel doesn’t go to Jihoon’s school, he’s never going to see him again and it was for the best.

 

Daniel will find someone prettier, smarter and funnier to be with. Someone he would be proud to introduce as his partner, his lover, his soulmate.

 

And Jihoon wasn't any of that, so he’s going to keep quiet about this, he will live his life as nothing happened.

 

No Kang Daniel, no soulmate.

 

Taking a deep breath, Jihoon’s gaze fell upon his broken glasses, he would have to go without them for the next month or so, he didn’t have the money or spare glasses to help him.

 

He moved his eyes to his now bandaged wrist, healing slowly but steadily. After the breakdown at the school, Guanlin offered to pay for the bus ticket to get to their shared apartment.

 

Which Jihoon tried to refuse but he couldn't stop Guanlin, otherwise he would have to carry Jihoon and that’s not going to happen, ever.

 

Quick questions were asked when inside the bus, about how Guanlin got to the school if he didn’t ride his bicycle.

 

”After classes ended I went to the closest library and studied there until the phone call from Donghan.” He said. ”I ran as fast as I could.”

 

Then they stayed silent the whole ride home.

 

And now here he is, laying on his bed thinking about many scenarios Jihoon would have to do if in some kind of accident he would see Daniel.

 

Avoidance is the best course of action.

 

”Jihoon?”

 

”Hm?” Jihoon’s gaze slowly moved to see Guanlin at the door holding his phone. Oh yeah, he got a phone call almost as soon as they treated Jihoon’s wound.

 

”Who was it?” He asked and the younger one looked uncomfortable.

 

”N-no one important.” He stammered the answer out, Jihoon wanted to question further but decided not to.

 

There was a little pregnant pause until Guanlin spoke up. ”I think you should go to school tomorrow.” He said little hesitantly.

 

”Why?”

 

”Please trust me Hyung, I will be there with you all the time.” Guanlin said with pleading puppy dog eyes. 

 

"Even if I need the bathroom?" Jihoon snarked back.

 

"Yeah why not, I will even hold your di-"

 

"Okay! good to know how far you will go. Duly noted." A huff laugh escaped from both of the boys, it's nice to have someone by your side no matter what. Jihoon is truly thankful to have Guanlin, a platonic soulmate as the younger would say. 

 

Too tired to argue back Jihoon nodded his head and bid goodnight to his friend.

 

With one last look, Guanlin smiled softly at his childhood friend and walked away towards his own room.

 

Tomorrow he’s going back to school, it’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be back to normal, he won't see Daniel ever again.

 

Jihoon had a bad feeling about this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience.


	5. Fifth step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early Christmas present for ya'll!!  
> ENJOY

Something is going on was Jihoon’s first thought as he was walking through the school hallway with Guanlin, who was showing signs of nervousness. He kept looking anywhere expect Jihoon, occasionally checking his watch or phone.

 

In the morning Jihoon didn’t want to move out of his bed and go to school at all, he promised Guanlin but his thoughts ran wild, as hundreds of different scenarios played in front of him.

 

Would people notice his bandaged wrist? What if someone found out about him and Daniel? What if Daniel knew?

 

There was the same tight feeling around his neck, the same numbness he felt throughout his whole body. Nothing now made sense to him, Jihoon couldn't focus on anything.

 

_Goddamnit! Snap out of this!_

 

Jihoon felt his eyes going watery making his eyesight blurred and shaky, shit now he’s crying and it wasn’t helping for his current condition.

 

_Breathing usually helps, right?_

 

Breath in, a pause and then out, in and out. Jihoon keeps this up while tightly keeping his eyes closed. Some tears escaped from his closed eyes.

 

These random strong emotions that he has been experiencing for the past few days are exhausting, it never has been this difficult to handle.

 

Was something seriously wrong with Jihoon?

 

”Hyung hello?”

 

”Hm?” Snapping out of his fresh memories, Jihoon turns to look at his best friend, they have apparently stopped walking, now standing in front of Guanlin’s locker.

 

This made Jihoon questions the act as Guanlin didn’t need anything from his locker and the school was over for them.

 

”Do you need something?” It was an empty question but what else could he ask.

 

”Uhmm, just need to get my books, yeah books.” Every word was slowly but steadily formed, making it very easy to detect the lie.

 

”Sure.” Jihoon agreed to play along for the time being. To wait if Guanlin will say something to him. For how long they had known each other, Guanlin would know that he can't hide secrets from the older one.

 

This whole day has been a pain in the ass thanks to not being able to see the chalkboard add a headache from squinting too hard and voilá you get pretty pissed of Jihoon at your service.

 

Adding even more problems to his life, Jihoon didn’t have the money to buy new glasses and god forbids he won't take money from Guanlin, bless the kid really.

 

He just has to survive for a few months without seeing too far away.

 

And now we have Guanlin who was taking his sweet old time gathering unwanted books to his school bag, making it unnecessarily heavy.

 

”You sure you need the history book?” It’s the heaviest one and completely useless, the only needed books are already on their bags.

 

For the whole school day the younger one would act extremely suspicious, during biology class Guanlin kept making mistakes which Jihoon had to correct for him, it never happens unless his best friend is concern over something or overthinking his head off.

 

”Positive.” Said Guanlin with a stern look. He looked motivated to finish his complicated plan but at the same time on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

 

Sighing out loud Jihoon checked the time and it has already been fifteen minutes, frustrated by wasting their time he grabbed Guanlin’s arm and started to drag him outside.

 

Guanlin hastily closed his locker, surprised by Jihoon’s action. ”H-hey what are you doing?” He asked panicked as if walking outside would burn them.

 

”We’re going home, you have been acting strangely and I want answers.”As if Jihoon was dragging Guanlin towards the hells gate, he began to yell excuses.

 

”I-i need the bathroom!”

 

”You already did before our last class.”

 

”I forgot my gym clothes!

 

”We didn’t have PE!”

 

”Hyung!”

”What?!” Close to the school’s front door, Jihoon stopped dragging his best friend, crossing his arms and staring up at him waiting for an explanation for this whole day.

 

”Well?”

 

On his place Guanlin trembled slightly, playing with his hem of the school shirt. Despite the height difference, he looked small, almost afraid.

 

Jihoon felt guilty for lashing out on the younger boy, he didn’t deserve it. It has been a stressful couple of days. It was easy to release all the frustration to someone until it’s too late.

 

”I’m sorry I yelled at you, I’m just worried, you haven't been yourself since yesterday.” He could saw his best friend relax to some extent but the nervousness still stayed.

 

”I’m worried too Hyung, after what happened...” He didn’t have to finish the sentence, they both knew what Guanlin was talking about. ”It’s just that, yesterday I got a phone call from Donghan and at that moment I thought it was a good idea. But now when I thought about more, it’s a bad fucking idea.”

 

”What is?”

 

Before Guanlin could speak up, Donghan jumped behind at Jihoon and hugged him with all his might. ”Heya guys! We were waiting for you!”

 

Surprised by the sudden closeness other than Guanlin, a strangely cute squeal escaped from Jihoon making all three of the boys frozen on their place.

 

As quickly as possible Jihoon covered his mouth out of embarrassment, feeling how his whole face went beet red.

 

There were still few other students around and he could bet money on it that they heard him. Plus in front of Donghan who he sees daily. Speaking of him the blonde boy's cheeks appeared to be bright red, must be because he was restraining laughter at how ridiculous Jihoon sounded.

 

_Just kill me now._

 

Can this go any worse?

 

Wait Donghan said ’we’ who’s the other one?

 

”Donghan I heard something, did you find a cat?” There is no way Jihoon could forget that sweet voice. Still covering his mouth Jihoon slowly turned towards the voice, at the front door right there stood Daniel with his own school uniform consist of the same style the three of them were dressed as expect it was a darker shade of blue.

 

Was his shoulder always that board? Now that Jihoon remembers he did appear a little different in training clothes, it didn’t define his muscles as much but now he seemed more… _big_ _and strong._

 

The uniform never looked so good on someone.

 

Realizing Jihoon was checking Daniel out, he quickly averted his gaze onto the floor. Just waiting to get swallowed down.

 

”D-daniel-Hyung! It was nothing, totally not someone or anyone as the matter of fact. Nope, you must have heard wrong. Hahaha!” Donghan awkwardly tried to cover up and it might have worked because Daniel didn’t question after that.

 

He just stood there, silently watching Jihoon which appeared to be with fondness. No, that must be something else, Jihoon mind was definitely playing with him.

 

Now that Jihoon thought about it, what was Daniel doing here? He quickly tried to hide his soulmate mark by pulling his jacket’s sleeve.

 

Jihoon decided to look at Guanlin, maybe he knew what was going on since his behavior seemed to be linked to this whole scenario.

 

Noticing his best friends confused face, Guanlin sent a silent apology and pried Donghan’s arm around of Jihoon.

 

”They are the reason why I was anxious.” He then fixed the shorter boys hair. ”I thought that if I delayed our meeting, then maybe they would get tired of waiting and left.”

 

”Dude you promised to meet us!” Donghan commented mildly offended at the answer.

 

”Sorry guys, I know you wanted it to be a surprise but I still should have asked Jihoon-Hyung.”

 

Jihoon was about to ask until he realized his fucking soulmate was a few steps away from him and will likely hear him.

 

No, he’s not ready to take on the responsibility. So he snatched Guanlin’s tie and pulled the younger one’s ear close to his mouth.

 

”I can’t speak, so whatever it is you promised, make it quick before I run away,” Jihoon whispered angrily. Guanlin nodded and corrected his tie.

 

”Okay guys, you can give it to him.” Donghan and Daniel both lightened up and the two of them began to search their bags hurridly.

 

Donghan was the first one to give him a box full of chocolate with a red face, hands trembling and avoiding eye contact. Was the blonde haired boy okay? Maybe he was getting a cold.

 

Jihoon accepted the gift with a shy smile, he loved sweets and was thankful. ”Again I’m sorry about the incident. ” Donghan said with a voice full of shame.

 

Jihoon wanted to say something to make the blonde boy feel better, so if not words would work then maybe actions. So he decided to hug the blonde boy.

 

It made all three of the boys gasp out of the unexpected act. He understood Guanlin and Donghan but why would Daniel care? They never even introduced each other properly.

 

Since Donghan was taller than Jihoon it made the shorter boy face Donghan’s chest. His heart was beating so fast, Jihoon thought that Donghan must be embarrassed about this.

 

Before Jihoon could pull away, he felt how the blonde boy began to hug him back. It was nice.

 

What seemed like minutes, a rough cough interrupted them, making two of the boys stop hugging each other. They stared at the source of the voice, Daniel. Even he looked shocked about it.

 

He looked mildly pissed, which is ridiculous, Jihoon’s eyesight must be playing with him.

 

”Sorry didn’t mean to do that.” He avoided eye contact for a moment before holding a strong gaze towards Jihoon and handing what seemed to be like a small box. ”For you, I won't take no for an answer.”

 

Questioning about the wording, Jihoon accepted the gift and opened it. A small gasp almost got out of him, luckily he stopped on time.

 

It was brand new eyeglasses, just like his old ones expect a silver straight line went across the handles. It was beautiful but it must have been expensive.

 

”Come on try it Jihoon,” Donghan suggested.

 

Nodding slowly, Jihoon put the glasses on and it was perfect, just the right ones. He could feel all the tension leave his shoulders.

 

Finally, only a one day without his glasses was a nightmare and just thinking about without them for weeks or even months gave him a headache.

 

Jihoon shyly glanced at Daniel under his eyelashes and gave him a small nod, as a sign of appreciation. He hopes that was enough for him. He really was thankful.

 

”Oi Hyung you okay? Your whole face is red.” Donghan commented.

 

Daniel went even redder.

 

”I-i’m fine, you brat! It’s just hot, that’s all.” Stuttering for a moment Daniel coughed and glanced over at Guanlin then at Jihoon.

 

”I hope it fits, Guanlin told Donghan what your old lenses were, so I can find the right ones.”

 

Jihoon nodded and put out an awkward smile, he then bowed and was ready to leave. It was already too much to handle to be this close to his soulmate.

 

”Come on Jihoon give him a good old hug too!” The said boy began to slowly panic, he’s not ready to do that!

 

”No that’s oka-” Daniel didn’t get to finish his sentence when Donghan pushed Jihoon towards the older boy.

 

Stumbling on his feet Jihoon fell right onto Daniel’s strong arms and firm chest. He was very close to freaking out before he felt two arms warping around his small frame.

 

It was different from Donghan’s hug, this felt warm and comfortable, for a moment Jihoon sank his face into the older one's chest as if to ask him to never let him go and put an arm around Daniel.

 

He could feel the strength in Daniels' arms as they were wrapped around him, to trap him in his neverending warmth. As he embraces Jihoon, he can feel the life in him, the blood pumping in his veins and the warm breath coming off his lips.

 

He felt protected like there was only two of them in the world. _Him and Daniel._

 

The once steady heartbeat Daniel had gone faster and faster as the hug continued. Was the older one getting impatient? In the beginning, he didn’t seem to like the idea but the arms around him speak differently.

 

_Was he doing this out of pity?_

 

The unforgettable feeling on his wrist came back, it didn’t hurt like the last time but it made Jihoon snap out of the trance.

 

Opening his eyes Jihoon didn’t even remember closing them, he slowly backed away from Daniel, even though his body screamed otherwise.

 

He immediately felt cold and lonely, it was a familiar but unwelcomed feeling. He just had to accept and live with it.

 

Bowing one last time, Jihoon grabbed Gunalin’s arm and ran away from the school's entrance, leaving the two boys behind.

 

He heard some yelling but ignored them and when Jihoon was out of their reach, he looked behind his shoulder only to see what he could describe a longing and heartbroken look from Daniel.

 

It didn’t make sense in the slightest, was he too harsh on him? He could probably call Donghan and say his thank you’s through him.

 

But now he wanted to run away.

 

_Like a coward he is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it has been a long time.  
> I hope you liked this chapter, if possible you can comment or something.
> 
> Merry Christmas and Happy New year!  
> Happy Holidays!  
> Happy Hanukkah!

**Author's Note:**

> Good luck to me and you, because i'm famous for not updating that fast.


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